I thought it was just a simple crush, that would be gone by tomorrow... But I guess I was wrong. And then I thought it would be easier for me to let go if I just be honest about it. But even after I said it, the feeling doesn't seem to fade away... Instead, I feel as if it's getting stronger day by day.
I'm starting to questioning everything. After everything has said, am I ready to move on? Or maybe I'm not ready to let go because I haven't been completely honest about my feeling?
I said I like you. But my heart says I really like you. Or is it love? Nah maybe I'm too afraid to say that word because 'love' sounds so much like a big word. Or maybe I'm too afraid because I haven't said it to anyone before... Like ever. I said you were just my crush. Well, maybe it's also more than that. If there's such a word for it. Honestly I don't just have a crush on you, I also adore you. I feel so comfortable around you, I feel like I could listen to everything you say eventhough most people say it's boring. I love to talk to you, to argue with you. I might also lied about how long have I liked you. I said it's been 2 and a half year... But I'm pretty sure it's longer than that. I still remember the first time I saw you. It was you very first drama performance. It's even before they put us in the same class, right? You remember that performance? Because I do. I'm not saying it was love at first sight because I don't believe in it. I'm pretty sure that my feelings for you weren't as strong as today. But it was that moment that started everything. And when someone asked me what makes me like you... I might also lie. I said I have no reason when in fact I could go on and on about it. Actually, my reasons are too good for words. Or maybe I'm just too shy to say it.
I find it funny how people never notice anything. They never notice that I always tried to sit near you. They never notice how excited I am everytime I had a chance to talk to you. They never notice how I secretly starred at you during class. They never even notice how I got so quiet everytime they made fun of you. I did laugh sometimes, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean all of that.
I'm just so used to see you everyday and thinking about how I'm not gonna get that chance, it makes me sad. I know that we haven't seen each other that regularly since few months ago, but when we officially start our college life next month, it'll be more real that I won't see you every morning in class. Thank you for the last few years, you had been one of my reasons to get up everyday and go to school.
We need to say goodbye, you know. A proper goodbye.